Returning

Today my heart was awakened once again. Its funny how the Lord leads me directly to the places in His Word that will speak straight to my heart. This is my last semester of school, so my focus is being split between so many different directions: my senior research project, normal classes, spending time with my friends before we all scatter, moving to a new city, trying to get a job, and new friendships or relationships. I always make time for God in my day, but I don’t always give Him the priority spot or the amount of time that He deserves. I’ve been reading 5 different books of the Bible and by doing that I’ve been getting poured into from all different directions. This morning He grabbed my attention with one line. “Then the Lord was jealous for his land and took pity on His people.” That just reminded me that HE IS JEALOUS FOR ME. Cue How He Loves (on repeat all day). At that point, I started the whole chapter over (Joel 2). This verse spoke to my heart as well,

“Rend your heart and not your garments.

Return to the Lord your God,

for He is gracious and compassionate,

slow to anger and abounding in love,

and He relents from sending calamity.”

-Joel 2:13

Return to the Lord. Why is this something I need to be reminded of? I see Him in everything and ask Him for help all day long and sometimes even remember to thank Him (clearly I need to work on my prayers), but how often am I quiet and just sitting with God?...rarely. I love that He will never stop pursuing my heart. 

Gracious. Compassionate. Slow to anger. Abounding in love. Those are some stacked qualities. I’m so thankful that my heart is being pursued by a God that is perfect in those qualities. Those are qualities that I aim to grow in. 

Follow all this by a chapter of “The Sacred Romance,” and I realized I have some growing to do. What are the purpose of trials? I have always known that they are growing me and sharpening me and teaching me to rely on God in ways that I don’t. That’s still confusing though. Its so easy to turn to “false lovers” to dance around the trials in life and make them easier to bear... but thankfully, my True Love (God) is persistent in His pursuit of my heart, and refuses to let me take the easy way out. 

John Eldredge says it best...

“As we grow into the love of God and the freedom of our own hearts, we grow in our ability to cast our vote on behalf of God. Our acts of love and sacrifice, the little decisions to leave our false loves behind and the great struggles of our heart reveal to the world our true identity: We really are the sons and daughters of God.”

A Summer in Need of a Hurricane

So much has happened in my life in the last few months thats its crazy to even try and remember it all. This will be a brief explanation of my summer. In a nut shell, if you will.

It started out with a trip to New York for West Point’s Graduation with some of my best friends. I loved every minute of it... Not only spent lots of time with people I love, but met some pretty cool ones too!

Me and Kelly at West Point Graduation!

After the monsoon

Me, Mark, Kelly and Sarah after Mark's commissioning 

Kelly and Corey on the train ride into the city!

Then I had to go home and start my two summer classes... (Not exactly the highpoint of my summer). There were some pretty great interruptions though. I got to go to Savannah to surprise this girl:

Kelly at her engagement party!

Kelly, one of my best friends, for her engagement. It was such a blast having so many of my favorite people together to celebrate such an incredible couple! Then, a couple weeks later I got to go back to Savannah to celebrate Corey’s birthday! It doubled as a goodbye party since he was headed to South Korea for the next year. It was another incredible trip, with some of my favorite people!

The incredible couple 

Savannah round 2, taking a break from engagement pictures for a quick snack


After all of that, it was crunch time. I had to barricade myself in my house and finish everything for my two classes that ended the first week of July. I did well in both of my classes and before I knew it, it was time to leave for my medical mission trip to Nicaragua... I wasn’t prepared at all for what I was about to experience. BUT Nicaragua deserves its own post. Here’s a couple high points though!

Me and Dad at the church in Los Chiles

All the pastors receiving their study Bibles

Me and Tiffany after zip lining

Tom and Janet! The pharmacists I worked with all week, they were such a blessing.

Me and Dad on the last night


I returned home more physically, mentally, and emotionally drained than I had ever been before, but I was more filled spiritually than I have ever been. I learned so much about my life and God’s love for me on that trip.

The very next weekend was my best friend’s wedding! There were so many exciting things going on that week! My best friend looked beautiful and it was such an honor to get to stand beside her on her special day. That wedding was such a fun celebration of another amazing couple in my life!

Me and Danielle at her reception


So glad I got to see Callie!

It was also great to see these guys!

I had a few weeks at home, then it was off to Hawaii with my family for vacation! Hawaii also deserves its own post, but I’m not sure when I’ll get around to it.

I had such an amazing summer and I am so incredibly blessed to be able to travel as much as I do and also because I have such awesome people in my life. 

After all that, now I am back in my normal environment and have finally had some time to sit and reflect on all that has happened. God has been working in my life in big ways, and honestly I’ve been at the point that I’ve kinda been resisting it. I’ve been struggling with contentment and trusting Him in the small things and really believing that His plan for my life is better than anything I could think of or imagine. I’ve wanted things to work out my way, according to my plan, for so long. I can see now what He was doing this summer... He was removing my safety nets one by one and asking me to turn to Him first. I always take my joys and sorrows to God, but often after I’ve talked to all my friends, family, and acquaintances about them. I tend to fill my life with so many things that I don’t make time to just be silent with my Heavenly Father. I know I can share my life and struggles with the people in it, but that God wants the top spot. For one of the first times in my life, I don’t have anyone else fighting for that spot and I can easily let Him have it. I think thats why He let me hit the point of the loneliness that I did, so that I could figure out that He is the only person I need on my list.

So that was life lesson number 1... Funny how many times God has to teach me the same things over and over because I keep forgetting them. The other one is the power for prayer. 

Sometimes God places those key people in your life that know exactly how to reach you. Yesterday I had a coffee date with an incredible woman of God...Tyler as been a tremendous blessing to me for the past 6 or so months. I turned my heart inside out and showed her every corner of it. Ugly things that I don’t share with many people: lack of trust, peace, contentment and joy. my selfishness. my issues with comparison. my desires, that could be good or bad, who knows. struggles that I’m embarrassed to admit that I have. She reminded me to pray about it. Something so simple, that I do, but not enough. 

She also reminded me of a pretty awesome song...

http://youtu.be/p4yMt9H8Rpg

Awaiting the "glorious freedom"

This semester has been such a whirl wind. I feel like I never have time to catch my breath these days. I’ve been done with Step Sing for about 2 weeks now, but all my free time seems to be spent trying to catch up on all the work I didn’t do during Step Sing. Step Sing being over is such a bitter sweet thing. I loved getting to see those ADPi girls every night and I miss the constant togetherness, but I do enjoy having some free evenings and being able to sleep occasionally. I also miss the excuse of embracing my alter ego (Miss Tennessee) with the constant pageant waves, hair tosses, and beauty queen struts. Its the end of an era... no more Step Sing for me :( 

Me and the Super Talented Directors of our show! And two of my favorite people ever! Reppin ADPi!

Love these girls! Dunno what I would do without each and every one of you!

Roomies that did step sing! Love her so!

Now that I’m back in the normal swing of things, I’m frustrated that I keep finding myself in the same situation. I constantly feel like I’m treading water and wasting time. And lately I just feel like I’m really not any good at what I’m trying to accomplish. I don’t enjoy any of my classes, so this semester has really turned into a rough one. I can’t find the motivation to work hard in something I can’t stand, so I am frustrating myself with constant mediocrity but try as I might I can’t kick it because lets just face it... Research Methods is completely miserable, and as much as I love Dr. Chew, I hate Cognitive Psychology... Throw in a side of Human Sexuality and Intermediate Spanish and its a recipe for disaster. 

I keep trying to remind myself that this is ok, and that many people experience this in life. So I don’t know what I’m good at yet or what I’m called to do with my life... I just keep telling myself to be patient and find contentment in the present situation. Clearly because I become so frazzled and frustrated with where I am so easily, I’m not taking my own advice, but I’m hoping it will sink it. I found some encouragement yesterday when I was reading Desire by John Eldredge...Now if I can just figure out how to focus on this when I get all frustrated instead of being overcome by dissappointment. 

In the chapter entitled, The Adventure Begins, Eldredge explains a lot about God and what He “does.” He didn’t just create the world and then run away, He still has an active part in it... HE LOVES HIS WORK. Not the work He did, but the work He still does. He loves painting sunsets and telling flowers when to bloom and watching out for the momma deer when its having a baby. It is God’s DELIGHT to do all these things. So what does that say about me? Excuse me as I just quote Eldredge a lot because he just says it better than I can.
“But when Genesis declares we are God’s image, it is describing not certain qualities of our character but capacities of our nature... we are made like God in our creative powers because we are to be like God in ruling the earth... To be like God is to rule the earth as he does. To rule the earth as he does is to be like God.”

“we yearn to be fruitful, to do something of meaning and value that flows naturally out of the gifts and capacities of our souls. But of course--we were meant to be the kings and queens of the earth.”

All of this gives me such a different perspective on Heaven too. Everything I’m doing down here and everything I’m dealing with is somehow shaping me to do what God has planned for me in Heaven. In Romans 8 Paul says that our current sufferings are “not worth comparing” to “the glory that will be revealed in us” (8:18)

So even though I’m feeling so lost in life and like I have no purpose, this is what really grabbed my heart and showed me God’s incredible plan, “The One who created you and set all those loves and gifts in your heart, the One who has shaped all your life experiences (INCLUDING THE ONES THAT SEEM TO MAKE NO SENSE), this God has prepared a place for you that is a more than perfect fit for all your gifts and quirks and personality traits--even those you don’t know you have...We will take the position for which we have been uniquely made and will rule as He does--meaning with creativity and power.”

Its crazy how encouraging that was to me just yesterday when I read it, and how two tests and frustrating day later left me annoyed and upset with where I am and feeling like I’m terrible at everything I attempt to do. I need to learn to dwell on this encouragement in the midst of everything else instead of letting myself get bogged down and annoyed. Who cares what happens. 

I love these two and the time I got to spend with them this weekend!

When I need a smile I just think about this nugget... always missing my nephew!

Happy Listening! This song was just what I needed today

So Many Blessings, Too Little Time

I know its been a very long time since I have updated this. Between finals, Christmas, Passion, our family ski trip, my birthday, a trip to Spain, the beginning of (hopefully) my second to last semester of college, and now Step Sing I haven’t had time to just sit down and really reflect and examine my life lately. Sure I’ve had some great quiet times and incredible talks with friends, but I’m the kind of person that really needs to take a step back and keep my life in perspective on a regular basis... otherwise I fall right back into the stress and frustrations of my incredibly busy life and forget the blessings and reasons for the work I’m doing. 

And of course, that is exactly what has happened....

My break from school was one of the best, but also one of the craziest that I’ve ever had. I went straight from finals to Montgomery, Alabama for my roommate’s wedding. It was a beautiful wedding and a great weekend with friends. 

I left the very next morning from Atlanta to meet my family in Park City, Utah for our yearly ski trip. It was the first time that my whole family has been together since Nick and Meredith got married. It was only a few days, but it was great to have everyone together since we weren’t together for Christmas. The snow wasn’t the best, but I just love being out there so much. I love reading by the fire after skiing all day and deep conversations with my siblings in the hot tub at night. And of course Bandits... my favorite restaurant out there. It was so fun having Finn out there this year all bundled up in his winter clothes. He rolled over for the first time out there! I just love watching him grow up, but I hate how much I miss living 6 hours away.

I love, love, LOVE his hat!

The whole fam

Me and Mere on the slopes

Steven and Finn with Finn's sweet new kicks

View from the top of one of the mountains

After Utah is was right back to Peach Tree City for the night. I happened to be coming through the night of my roommate’s best friend’s Christmas party. I love all those people so much, so it was a blessing to be able to see them all at once that night. 

Roommate Christmas photo shoot

The next day I headed home again. I made it just in time for Christmas Eve with my mom’s side of the family. Christmas morning was kind of strange though because I was the only one home. It was still good to spend that time with my parents, but I really prefer having everyone else there too. Over the next few days before New Years, I got to see my Dad’s side of the family and catch up with some friends that I hadn’t seen in a while.

I got to spend New Years with so many of my favorite people! I spent it with my brother and Allison and their friends, my best friend Danielle and her friends, and Taylor. It was great to be able to have so many of my favorite people around me on such a fun night!

Me and Taylor on New Years

Love my Little, Diane!

Me and Taylor left the next day to drive down to Passion. I will do another post about Passion, but it worked on me in ways that I could write 20 pages about. It was such a blessing to grow beside so many incredible people. I am so thankful for such a solid group of Godly people that I get to call my friends.

The weekend after Passion was my birthday weekend! 22. I feel like this will be a good age. It was one of my favorite birthdays yet. Two of my favorite people in the world, Audra and Jenny, made the trip up and Kelly got to fly in for almost 24 hours! haha I had so much fun getting to see so many of my friends from high school and just hanging out with my friends from Samford too. After that we had a fire at Steven and Allison’s, so I really did have such a great birthday. O and Jenny, Audra, Kelly, and I made the most ridiculously rich chocolate cake ever.... thanks to Pinterest! So thankful for my friends!

The morning after my birthday the whirlwind winter break continued! I was all packed up with my backpack and headed off to Spain for 2 weeks with the Amy, Christine, Jennifer, and Ashley! Again, this is a topic that needs its own post, so feel free to read Jennifer’s blog about what we did everyday until I have a chance to write about it! Abbracio: Madrid .... I was with her in Madrid, Cordoba, Granada, Marbella, Gibraltar, and the beginning of Sevilla. She’s a good blogger:) Complete with pictures! Here's a little sneak peak just for fun though!

Madrid

Granada

Gibraltar: O hey Africa!

Gibraltar

All of us in Gibraltar

Marbella sunset

Me and Jenn on the beach in Marbella

Good Tapas in Sevilla!

When I got back from Spain, I thought I would never kick the jet lag... It took me about 2 weeks to get on a regular schedule again. I was up at 4 am and dead tired around 8 every night. I somehow managed to spend some time with a couple a friends and get packed and back to Samford less than a week later though. 

Now that I’m back in Birmingham, life is just a crazy as ever. Step Sing is in full swing, so I feel like I don’t really do or think about much else. This morning during my quiet time a thought popped into my head... “is there such a thing as too many blessings”? Obviously I’m so thankful for each person in my life and all the experiences I’ve had (especially in the last 2 months) and continue to have, but it made me wonder if would appreciate them more if they were fewer or farther between. I get to wrapped up in all the fun and really great things happening that sometimes they become more of a distraction from my daily walk with God than anything. 

One of my biggest struggles is living in the now. I tend to dwell on really great memories or my desires for my future rather than having peace and being content in my current calling: being a student... and studying and glorifying God to the best of my ability. Its hard for me not to think ahead and belittle where I am right now. I want to be doing something so much more significant in my eyes, that I tend to overlook the significance I can have in my current situation. If you know me a little or very well you probably know that I am a very impatient person. I want to be 5 years down the road, out of school, doing missions or living somewhere cool, with a distinct purpose to my life that includes me helping ALOT of people... but recently I’ve realized and I keep trying to remind myself, that first I must be patient and trust and God’s perfect timing and plan for my life. Its not that my desires for my future are wrong or not good, but its just not the time. Patience is the lesson I’m trying to learn in this phase of life and that God’s will for my life is more important to achieve than any of my own plans. Those plans aren’t bad, but my main desire is a life full of Christ and full of His direction and guidance on my life.

“To live with desire is to choose vulnerability  over self-protection; to admit our desire and seek help beyond ourselves is even more vulnerable. It is an act of trust. In other words, those who know their desire and refuse to kill it, or refuse to act as though they don’t need help, they are the ones who live by faith. Those who do not ask do not trust God enough to desire. They have no faith. The deepest moral issue is always what we, in the heart of hearts, believe about God. And nothing reveals this belief as clearly as what we do with our desire.”

-John Eldridge


Sorry it was so incredibly long!